The class of compromise

Posted on January 29, 2011

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I was too full of myself to assume that Communication Research class will be easy. Thinking about it now, my achievements thus far in my grad school life are nothing if I don’t pass this class. Like in poetry, I’m only as good as my last poem. And in this case, I’m only as good as my performance in my last class.

This semester has got me questioning my abilities, my skills, and most of all, my intelligence. Who was I to think that I can wing this? Communication Research is a whole new different ball game. For one, it’s uncharted territory for me since my undergraduate degree didn’t require a thesis, just a practicum (we organized a Fine Arts Festival and self-published a book for this). And two, it requires a lot of myself in terms of effort, energy and time.  I simply cannot make it #2 in my list of priorities. This is my last class as a graduate school student and I cannot afford to fail. I must stick to my schedule and take comprehensive exams this summer, and Independent Study in June. Graduation should be in October. After which I will hopefully be doing what I’m meant to do: Move on, career-wise.

And so, I have made a bittersweet compromise:  I will stop pressuring myself to do what I cannot do. I cannot get an A in this class at this point. I’m way behind in my readings, I don’t have time to spruce up my research papers because of work (and a slew of “challenging” personalities to deal with), and I can’t afford to quit work because of some financial responsibilities. So the most I can do is to get a B, which is the passing grade for a grad student. That’s the compromise–the bitter(-sweet?) compromise.

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